i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize