When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
