she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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