I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
