I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize