but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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