At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
