My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I look better un-naked...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
