the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize