I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
