T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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