I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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