these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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