kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
