We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
