why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's blow job season.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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