remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
