Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
