I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
