This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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