I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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