After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
