I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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