They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
