You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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