whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
