john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
