dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
