Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
