the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
