Everything about him screamed your future.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
