Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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