my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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