good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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