i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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