A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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