Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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