"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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