who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
