I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
