I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
