did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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