Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
