So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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