Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
