so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
