we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
But break dance skills will only take you so far
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
