I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
