who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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