I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
