Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
