Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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