he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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