i barfeds in our rink
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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