So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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