two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
