I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
