If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know her cup size but not her name....
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