you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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