shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
