I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
