I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
