I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
