i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
