Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
