he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
