I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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