no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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