I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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