In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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