this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
