I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't turn off my feet"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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