Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize