You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
