There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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