Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize