just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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