That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
