I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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