Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
