I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
