Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
