Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
