I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
