Define "chronic" masturbator.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
