I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
